Even though we had a very typical British wedding, there were some things that we decided we didn't want to do. There is a certain expectation that all weddings should follow the same format, but in my opinion, that just simply isn't the case.
Weddings are the most personal day of your lives, where you join two families together to make a new one, and therefore, you can make your own traditions. Never feel like you have to do something just because it's the 'done thing'.
Do what makes you happy!
We got married at 5pm
This is one thing that some of our older guests had trouble getting their heads around. Our ceremony began at 5:30 in the evening and therefore we asked all our guests to arrive at 4:30. Many believed that they would not be seeing the wedding as tradition dictates that ceremonies should happen between 12:00 -2:00pm.
The idea of having our wedding later in the day allowed our guests to travel from the most northern parts of the country, without having to book an extra night in the hotel, unless they wanted to.
Also, this just worked better for us a family. Weddings are long days, especially when you consider the bridal prep beforehand. We just didn't want this. So, I started getting ready at 3:00pm which allowed my daughter, my friends and I to have a really relaxed morning.
We didn't have a wedding breakfast
With having a twilight wedding, this meant that we didn't have a formal sit-down dinner. There just wasn't a requirement for it. We instead chose to have a mainly vegetarian buffet served between 7:30 and 9:00. This helped to make our guests feel really relaxed as there wasn't any set time to eat of specific place that they had to sit.
We spent the night before and morning of together
Because we have two very young kids, the idea of spending the night before apart added more unnecessary stress to the wedding planning process. Instead, we spent the day prior as normal. We all went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up and all had breakfast together. at about 10am, James's brother came to collect him and our son, Harry, and took them to get ready at a farm house where James's family were staying. Myself and our daughter, Grace, stayed at home and waited for my friends to arrive before getting a car to the wedding venue to get ready.
We went home after the wedding
We debated staying in hotel a LOT! We eventually decided against it as we only lived 20 mins away from the venue and we didn't want the pressure of having to wake up early to get dressed and go down for breakfast before having to pack up and get out. Instead, we went back to our house and the next morning, woke up feeling very relaxed and had a lazy morning in bed, reminiscing about our day.
We spent the whole evening separately
Now, this one wasn't intentional. We agreed beforehand that we would do the rounds together, but in reality it didn't happen, and I'm not mad about it. I love a dance, but James is more of a spectator. This allowed us to both enjoy our evening without having to do things that we were uncomfortable with.
We also managed to get round to speaking to all our guests. James' family and friends all travelled down from Manchester and he doesn't get to see them very often, so it was nice that he could socialise with them whilst I was cutting shapes on the dancefloor. I think this dynamic added to the relaxed atmosphere that all our guests loved about our day.
No staged photos
James and I feel extremely awkward being the centre of attention and therefore we just couldn't cope with the idea of posing 100's of times with all the different family members. Instead, we spoke with our photographer about getting a 'documentary style/candid' selection of photographs.
Another reason for not wanting the staged photos, was that due to the time constraints, we didn't want to leave our guests for too long. I have been to weddings where the photos have taken 2 hours, and when your wedding is at 5:30, that is too much time to take out.
Our photographer was incredible and managed to capture our day perfectly. Some of my favourite photos are of the scrunched up faces of people mid-laugh. She did however manage to persuade James and I to take a quick 15 mins out to do a mini-shoot in the orchard, and I am so glad she did. These photographs are just amazing and it was the perfect way to decompress and bask in the reality that we just became husband and wife!
No bridesmaids or groomsmen
This is probably the most unusual of all of the things when it came to our wedding day. For me, I didn't want to ask anyone to do something that I wouldn't be prepared to do myself. This basically meant, that I didn't want to make my closest friends put their lives on hold for my wedding day. All my friends were in very different stages in their lives; one had a newborn; one just got engaged; another just lost her job and the list goes on. Not everyone has the same amount of free time or disposable income and to ask them to use those two very valuable commodities on me, left me feeling very unsettled.
This also saved me a lot of stress. I didn't need to concern myself with what they were wearing, how their hair was styled, or chase them regarding an assigned job that they never got round to doing.
The majority of 'my girls' loved this way of doing things. They all decide amongst themselves what colour scheme they were going for (it was blue). They were able to spend their pre-wedding time flittering between the dressing room with me and their partners in the bar. And, they didn't have to spend a fortune on clothing and accessories that they will never wear again.
I didn't wear a veil
The veil! So, I chose not to have a veil. I personally do not like them and I think they are just a bit fussy. Also, I knew I wanted my hair tied up and I had hired an incredible hairstylist, so I just didn't want to hide her amazing work.
Also, I am not a huge fan of the origins of the veil which symbolises obedience and modesty. These are not two of the traits I live my life by!
No Wedding Favours
We chose instead to provide all our guests with a celebration drink reception and two drinks tokens each for the bar. I had read a lot about wedding favours being a huge waste of money with guests not really appreciating them. From being a guest at several weddings, I have always found the favours a bit pointless and therefore wanted to spend my money on things that I thought they would want.. Alcohol!
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